Relationship Goals:

Your Most Important Connections

Setting relationship goals can not only save a marriage or a friendship… they can make them flourish into something you've never even imagined!

Why do we set our sights high in other areas and not make any specific goals for the areas that are most important to us?

Our relationships need nurturing to progress just like our minds and bodies.

Why not set some relationship goals for those most important in your life? 

  • Are you a husband or a wife? A parent? A friend? A daughter? A brother? 
  • Where would you like your relationships to be?
  • Would you like to be closer?
  • Who would you like to attract into your life?
  • Want to communicate better with your spouse or kids?
  • What’s important to you in an intimate relationship?

Relationships give MEANING to our lives.

It’s being able to share our life and experiences with others that enhances our own happiness and enjoyment.

It is our connections that inspire us to do more and work harder.

As sources of INSPIRATION, our loved ones and significant others give our spirits added fire and fuel - all in a way that’s similar to how food and water give sustenance to our bodies.

As human beings, it’s instinctive and primal to take care of our young and protect them from harm.

More so, as parents, it’s natural for us to take an active role in seeing to it that they grow and develop into strong and capable adults.

Part of this role is also seeing to it that we nurture both the needs of their bodies and of their minds.

After all, our good relationships with them strengthen the factor of NURTURE from within the family, and this creates balance with the external influences of NATURE coming from their environment. 

Thus, in order to nurture your family as a strong and stable unit, you must set some RELATIONSHIP GOALS for those people most important in your life. 

So how exactly do you go about them and where do you start?

Steps to Setting Relationship Goals

Like any other goals we set, create a vision for what you want first… see it clearly so you know what you’re striving for.

Imagine you have the kind of relationship you dream about – see it, feel it. What’s it like?  

Step 1: Assess your personal relationships

The best place to start is right within you.

Again, it takes an HONEST SELF-ASSESSMENT to succeed in this step. 

YOU hold the key to the success of your relationships, and most of the answers will willingly come from you.

Start by asking yourself the following questions: 

  • What is it exactly that makes your relationships weak or strong? 
  • How can you improve the connection and strengthen the ties? 
  • Do you want these relationships to stand the test of time?
  • What do you want for this relationship?
  • Who do you have to be to attract the relationship you want?
  • Where would you like your relationships to be by this time next year?

These are, indeed, simple questions but the answers to them are deep.


It’s because the results of these will reflect just how connected and interconnected you are with your loved ones.

Step 2: Set goals that connect and reconnect members

Clearly, it’s all about CONNECTION and COMMUNICATION.

Now, that’s the very purpose of relationship goals! Family goal-setting in this area helps connect and reconnect couples and family members.

It taps into your dynamics as a unit and encourages all of you to communicate your needs and wants more effectively.

Setting goals also means setting aside TIME.

It’s as simple as agreeing on a specific time for a family goal-planning session or a goal-setting night.

Arrange it when everyone’s present and where everyone can actively participate.

Once you've chosen a day, lock it in and set it with finality. Commit to it!

Step 3: Brainstorm all you want on important issues

The whole idea of goal-setting time is to devote it to as much BRAINSTORMING as you want.

It’s getting the other person involved and getting yourself just as involved too!

And so from gathering of everyone’s ideas, you can then agree on the ideas that you all share in common.

Again, to make sure that it’s a working idea, it should be specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and timely for your family.

Another thing that it should be is honest and applicable to you.

You can rewrite your goals in your own way and order/re-order them according to importance, but do remember that it has to be from your own family’s point of view and not according to other people’s standards!

"It's impossible" said the pride. "It's risky" said the experience. "It's pointless" said the reason. "Give it a try" whispered the heart.


Step 4: Make sure that roles and relationships are clear

Setting relationship goals are all about CLARITY.

This means that, aside from being steady and constant, your relationships should also be clear.

Specifically, ROLES must be clear in terms of the family in relation to you (as a member) and you in relation to the family (as a unit).

As a strong and stable unit, you have to set some relationship goals for those people most important in your life. 

Are you a wife, mother, caregiver, breadwinner?

Father, brother, chef extraordinaire?

Get clear about the hats each person wears and the roles they play in the home.

Clearly defined roles will give you and each member a sense of meaning and importance.

Knowing your role and responsibilities within your family will build strength in each member and as a family unit

Along with these roles come duties and responsibilities as well as tasks and chores too.

Once you’re clear on those, it will be smooth sailing for you, guys - well, most of the time.

Step 5: Get to know each other all over again

Especially designed for the adults in the family, Step 5 is dedicated to parents too busy being parents that they somehow forget they’re couples, lovers and individuals too! 

If you’re one of them – and you probably are – then this step is just the thing for you.

In spite of the transitions and changes that happen in any relationship, it’s all about the need to find the real you and get to know each other all over again…

  • Do you have date nights regularly?
  • Do you take couple time even when the kids are home?
  • Do you sometime's put your spouse's needs above the children's'? 

We all get so caught up in every day family life, that time for love and intimacy often gets forgotten.

But it's critical to growing your relationship and staying in love!

Sometimes we get so wound up in our own needs and wants that we forget about the other person’s needs.

We all have 6 basic human needs: 

  1. Love & Connection: to feel loved and connected to people
  2. Certainty: to be sure about the things in your life, ie. stability in relationships, money, etc.
  3. Uncertainty/Variety: to mix things up, do new things, meet new people
  4. Significance: to feel unique, like you matter, to stand out from the crowd
  5. Growth: to learn, grow beyond our comfort zone  
  6. Contribution: to give to others and be given to ourselves

Write down your answers to these questions, then share them with your partner:

  • In what way are you and are you not meeting your partner's needs?
  • How are they meeting and not meeting yours?
  • How can you better meet your partner’s needs?
  • How better could they meet yours?

Step 6: Review your relationship goals from time to time

In order to succeed, goals require MUTUAL SUPPORT.

More than an individual endeavor, it’s a team effort of “we”, “us”, “our”, and “ours” – and that makes them even more PERSONAL!

Making up a formal contract or visual will create more commitment from everyone involved.

Plus it will give them something to refer to and revisit every so often.

You can even make it more official by having everyone sign the document as a promise to commit.


  • Create 3-6 new goals that will help strengthen and improve the relationship.
  • Promote positive objectives like personal development, growth, respect, and individuality.
  • Specify that each party is responsible in part for ensuring that the goals are attained - this guarantees that the goals are supported and owned.
  • Realistic and flexible enough to attain with the passage of time, meaning between 1 to 5 years from the time when it was first written.

Your contract should be reviewed quarterly or twice a year to see which goals have been achieved and in which direction you are headed.

By then, you’ll also have identified new objectives which can be set for the following year.

Set goals every year, individually, as a couple and as a family

We post them for all to see and keep track of and celebrate each other’s accomplishments along the way.

Our Relationship goals empower us and help us step up and become each other’s cheerleader

  • What goals can you help a member of your family with?
  • Is there someone who just needs a little push or encouragement to take the leap to accomplishing something great? 

Be that someone for the people you love.

Cheer them on into doing bigger and better things.

To reaching higher and higher – to really stretch themselves. 

If you do it for another person, you just might be amazed how they’ll also step up for you!

The gist of relationship goals is this...

Getting clear on your relationships can keep them growing, keep them interesting and keep couples loving each other.

Without them, relationships tend to get neglected and take a back to whatever seems more important at the time.  

"The goal in marriage is not to think alike, but to think together."

Robert C. Dodds

The getting-to-know-you and the getting-to-know-you-all-over again phases inevitably happen to families and intimate relationships. 

We can never just keep going the way we are for long.

And although the challenges are there and the divorce rates run high, there are still many loving relationships that choose stay together in spit of the tough time and rough terrain.  

It is for those who are truly willing and wanting to put in the hard work that we have created One Fabulous Life and goal setting articles like this.

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